copy paste boxxxx

Tiredddddddddddd
I feel like i've been hit by a bus and I dont know whyyyyy
Usually I kinda know why I;m tired like this, but I just feel perpetually exhausted to the point where talking and moving seems like it takes too much effort. I have stuff to do to- and even then, I find its super hard to push myself to do it. Like, usually everything is hard- but not /this/ hard. Like recently I truly feel like I'm sorta getting neet-like where I jsut wanna sit and rot all day long and like occasionally play a game far too mcuh to the point where i negelct everything else lmao.

I'll somehow manage to get what I need to get done, done, since I always manage in the end somehow. But like jeez man at what cost lol.

Am I... catching a break... finally?
Ok so PC is now fine, got a refurb for my cintiq, turns out my pcs power untit was dying and was breaking everything. Either way I'm back to my regular routine... ish. Im trying my best to stay motivated to do stuff but I sorta feel like I just wanna... rot? if that makes sense lmao. I dunno, just having a lot on my mind and tryina enjoy the summer at least is kinda hard when I just have this permanent sense of impending doom about life nonstop.

anyways I ended up getting sick again and I think im finally almost over it? I got a liiitle lingering cough but thats about it. For some reason I've been super sick since last year, like usually im a pretty healthy person so I dunno why my body is just like "dawg we're not doing this right now" all of a sudden.

oh yea and caseoh's stuff has been keepin me company for now, intermittenly mixed with an insane amount of deltarune stuff LOL

Tech and Sickness
Uoogogh my god- okay so vent time-
I got sick in such a way where my throat just... decided it was gonna close- and *just now* it started getting better- even though i was sick since late april.
Then, i visited my grandparents since im also alergic to the 4 cats i live with so im like okay i wanna vist and also itll probably do me a few favors being at their house without any animals. and i was doing better, had a nice time with my grandparents- BUT i also was slowly collecting pc parts since i wanted to go to microcenter to get a new pc built, so i had to stressfully smuggle those out of the house so my dad wouldnt see. We got the pc built, everythings all honky dory and such but then i go to plug my cintiq in and i realize- fuck- this usb-c port doesnt support a display??? god damnit. alright, ill use the hdmi port then, fuck- that doesnt support 4k. i gotta get a wacom plug thats a mini dp to dp thing so i can get 4k- the plug works but it doesnt hold a connection for more than 3 seconds- great- okay lets use it in 2k then- shit this thing feels like its on fire this hasnt happened before- god FUCKING damnit what's wrong with it now-
I go to wacom to try and get a support agent like 5 times, and theyre like oh have u tried turning down the brightness NO SHIT I HAVE YES I TRIED THAT THERES A DIFFERENT PROBLEM HERE. Like oh my god- look, i get it, customer service workers arent paid to care and they probably deal with insane people all day long but like *fuck* man, can you PLEASE just actually listen to what im describing instead of writing this off as a user error or a non-problem and just linking me wacom articles i already read 500 times- cause this thing *literally* is like a fire hazard within 3 seconds of turning it on, no joke.
so after like 5 times of painstakingly doing that and calling every tech support person known to man i finally get one wacom agent thats actually helpful and shes like oh yeah that doesnt sound right at all and im like YES THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING. and shes like well, if you can sort of replicate it on your old setup but to a much lesser degree, it might be the thermal paste is starting to go and it would need a repair since your new stuff is stronger so its struggling to try and get it cooled down, or theres dust buildup. so im like *okay*, thats an actual answer I didnt consider, alright the thermal paste is potentially going so how do i get this fixed, she explains the whole thing with the repair stuff which is even *more* money so im like auhh shit- okay. And shes liek yea for now just clean it, leave it unplugged, wait for that other cable you have comin in and see if the issue perissts and if so send it for repairs. So now im waiting for a cable.
and im also still running to doctors since i have no idea what caused that sickness thing i had since i had to go the er for the first time cause i really genuinely thought my throat was gonna close up. and then it just.... left??? but now i have gerd. uugrghhh.... stuff is starting to calm down and i feel better but fuck man i feel like i have caught a break since last year. Its just one after another after another problem after problem.

Easter
Easter was nice, I got to have dinner with my fam, talk to my cousins for a bit and I had a cheesecake that I was fighting for my life trying to eat.... between how full I was and my milk allergy im glad im not doubled over right now lol. worth it 10/10 would eat cheesecake again.

it started off kinda shitty and chaotic though cause my dad dropped a glass cologne bottle onto his foot and cut open his toe right as we were about to leave. so that was certainly something.

College is... over? ... what now?
I sent in my last final assignments... So... I guess that means college is over. Like... forever until/if I need something more than a bachelors or something. I got crazy anxious submitting the final assignment and I sorta calmed down now, but man uh.... not too keen on just, being in "life" right now. It sorta feels like I was trained to swim really well and now im just supposed to climb a mountain forever when its like um.... that isnt what i was trained for- how am I supposed to do this??

that and i guess i just have free time now? like, with nothing really weighing on my head....? ish? Im just glad i have actual stuff to do and goals and freelance jobs im getting, I think that softened the blow a bit. If I didnt id probably really be shitting my pants rn.

In other news- I bought the 1 dollar xbox game pass so i could play minecraft with a friend, and what games do i see other than banjo and kazooie, banjo and tootie, AND costume quest- and apparently theres a second costume quest??? I have to play them all. I replayed the demo games endlessly as a kid on my xbox360. Im still so charmed by banjo and kazooie to this day- though I was kinda shocked to see how they really put an emphasis on fat=bad in terms of comedy. Like to be fair, its a game made in like, 1998, so yknow... Im just surpised I didnt pick up on it as a kid. I just liked the silly cartoon characters and kazooie, who I didnt even realize was apparently a she? I assumed she was a dude as a kid and never paid attention to the dialogue LOL

oh and ive been like insanely addicted to playing minecraft in my forever world i started. something something escapism from stress something something I want to make it my happy place something something I should probably have hobbies instead of working 24/7.

Uweeehhhh
uuwehh I gotta get back on track with my work... I ended up getting fixated on this site and i got to much shit to do, plus ive been tired as hell just kinda zombie-walking through the entire day, waking up late as shit...
I dunno, im all outta sorts. I feel like im in a weird limbo for some reason. Plus i messed up my sleep schedule so badly lol

Dangaronpa 3 and Ocs
Ive been watching the grumps play danganronpa 3 and its a very different game then the first two. I'm missin nagitos shenanigans but overall I think the cast of the 2nd game is the strongest. the third just feels like meh to me for some reason. That and ive been trying to get out of a little post nov 6th depression, mainly by trying to work on the next oc video project I want to make. I was already kinda losing steam for a while now but I think I may be crashing. I gotta get back into the routine of doing stuff and making things. Once I get started then I tend to keep going.